Cutting Free

I’ve always believed that you can have all things. But never have I believed that they can all come at once. Maybe our whole aim in life as humans is to find this almighty balance of (1) social life (2) happy home life (3) challenging and rewarding career and (4) loving relationship. That’s never how it is though, one and typically, two of those factors are off-tilt. As soon as they align, another piece falls. Of this I’m certain. It’s up to us to realize what we can let fall and what we need to rise up.

I’ve spent the last year and a half elbowing out those associations that only found need in me. I attract friendships, relationships that need me more than I need them. That take without replace. They drain me from being myself. They hide my energy under their shared misery with their requests for advice that are disguised by unrivaled air time.

So, I stopped answering phone calls. I said no to plans. I moved. It took a year and a half, but I’ve created more space for me to breathe. I created a smaller social circle and named it Friends.

It took a year and a half because I didn’t know my creativity was being eaten by imbalance, so I let it happen. New writing ideas dried up with my time.

The hardest part of letting a call go unreturned or a text sit was the guilt that replaced the effort. The guilt doesn’t do any good either. It’s a space holder for the freedom I was creating. It wasn’t until I released that too, was I able to hear again. I could hear myself think. I heard words twirling to paragraphs, waltzing to stories.

Being a writer is a one of my nouns. My brain sorts in analytics and narratives, but it’s much harder to sort what words are yours when your mind only recycles stories of one-sided friendships. It’s much harder to sort what words are yours when all yours have been replaced with advice. It’s much harder to sort what words are yours when your free time isn’t free.

But I’m here now. I have chronicles to share. I hope you’ll listen, and then hear yourself.

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