Us, Humans are so afraid of letting go. We worry that what comes won’t be improvement or worse yet, nothing will come and a void will remain. Instead we let past lovers linger and keep friendships for history sake. We claim more is more. We push against less.
Six months ago I decided I wanted to push into the worry of letting go, instead of allowing it control me. I started small, deleting phone numbers from first dates that were never to be, moving on to names that matched imperfect matches, to friends labeled with acquaintance. That was easy; we weren’t in-touch any way. I felt empowered that I was releasing someone that didn’t serve me.
But the more I pressed myself to reevaluate the who’s who of my life, the harder it got. Was I really being fair to those who had helped shape my Portland life by deciding our futures no longer aligned? However, answering that question doesn’t serve me. The better question is: what do we bring out in each other? At this point in life, I want friends that inspire me, explore with me, challenge me, and most importantly push me to be my truest self. Surface doesn’t interest me; finding balance does.
Summer has turned to Fall and now with Winter whispering hello, I’ve realized that the relationships that fell and continue to fall are making room for stronger ones to emerge. I’m having a fuller life with less. I’m having deeper connections. I’m having more me time without guilt.
Nature has been trying to teach us, Humans, this lesson all along. We must strike the match, burn the forest. In doing so, old growth survives and strengthens having gone through the blaze and we make more for whatever we needed to. It turns out, there isn’t emptiness in the void, the emptiness was in having more than we need.